First and foremost bring earplugs. You don't have to keep them on for the entirety of the film, but imagine the horrible screeching of a hundred teenage fangirls chatting away, now imagine what sort of inane and mind numbing conversations they are having. Protect your ears and your intellect, do not remove the earplugs till after Robert Pattinson has appeared on screen for the first time and the mass squee of the audience has passed. Hopefully the fangirls will be ok after this initial exposure and will not continue to shriek each time he appears on screen.
Body Glitter. It does not seem like an obvious choice but this will help you safely travel amongst fangirls and can also be used as a defensive item. In "Twilight" the vampires sparkle, if you sparkle the fangirls will automatically feel a certain comfort around you and will be less likely to attack or question your presence. If you are accosted, are dealing with someone who will not shut up about how cute Robert Pattinson is during the movie, or if an unwanted suitor has "imprinted" on you body glitter can be used defensively. Pelting someone with body glitter may get you thrown out of the theater. However so long as you are careful not to throw glitter in anyone's eyes you can probably get away with it. Point in fact some fangirls may be so pleased that they sparkle like Edward that they may even thank you.
Feminist Literature of pamphlets from a local women's shelter detailing how to recognize an abusive relationship. Ok, so Edward wasn't so bad in the first book. But sometimes we all need to be reminded that while it may look cool on screen you don't actually want an overprotective controlling boyfriend to be engaged in a dangerously codependent relationship with you. Do not attempt to pass these out, you will get your ass kicked. Just keep them handy when you feel yourself starting to think it would be a good idea to be involved with a relationship this intense or obsessive.
If you are on Team Jacob bring a poncho. If you love Jacob (and I must admit I am a team Jacob member myself) and you feel the need to show all your Jacob gear with pride be prepared for the backlash. Wear a poncho so that anything thrown on you will not stick.
Pictures of Robert Pattinson.
Amongst Twilight fangirls pictures of Robert Patinson are used as a primitive form of currency. If you feel yourself getting crowded in by fangirls simply throw a stack of pictures in the direction you do not want to go. This method can be especially effective when attempting to leave a crowded theater.
Hopefully if you follow these simple guidelines you will be protected from wild fangirl attacks. Remember keep safe, stay smart, and don't let any strangers bite you.
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